Just a couple of tips to see if you need to
work a little harder on your marriage. Don't ever think that marriage is a
perfect situation. There are some marriages that are doomed, but these are not
the norm. Most marriages can be saved with the right guidance. If you fall into
the "we need help" catagories seek help. All marriages have problems and stress
whether they admit it or not, so you are never alone. You can be certain that
other couples are experiencing the same problems you are. Just watch the facial
expressions and and smurks during a class discussion on marriage. Most people
find satisfaction when they work hard for something that ends with a sense of
accomplishment. Marriage is no different. The below test is a not a judgement
experiment, but yet a way for couples to think about and recognize unidentified
stressors that lead to divorce or a life of unhappiness. You are encouraged to
take the test below. You may be surprised at your outcomes.
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Grade Your Marriage
Marriage is
not a test that you either pass or fail. It’s an ongoing process of learning
about each other and how to accommodate differences so that both of you can feel
satisfied and grow in love for each other.
Marriage is also not a
competition in which one person wins at the expense of the other. If both
spouses are not happy with a decision, then the marriage suffers since one
person’s happiness cannot be at the expense of the other’s.
In this
spirit, we invite you to assess where you are in your marriage.
•Identify the
issues that you agree on and are working smoothly for you.
•Identify the
issues that you disagree on and need to work out a compromise.
•Identify the
issues that you haven’t gotten around to talking about – but you
should.
All this can add up to a blueprint for deepening your marriage
and helping you reach your full marriage potential. The following categories can
get you started:
On a scale of 1 – 10 rate your satisfaction with your
marriage in the areas of:
1. Shared Values _____
2. Commitment to
each other _____
3. Communication Skills _____
4. Conflict
Resolution Skills _____
5. Intimacy/Sexuality _____
6.
Spirituality/Faith _____
7. Money Management _____
8.
Appreciation/Affection _____
9. Lifestyle _____
10. Recreation
_____
11. Decision Making _____
12. Parenthood _____
13.
Household chores / gender differences _____
14. Careers _____
15. Balancing
Time_____
TOTAL: _____
Since this isn’t a test, but rather a map
for you to use for further discussion, your total is not based on 100%. If your
self-ratings on a specific topic are:
8-10: You are quite happy with this
aspect of your marriage. This could be because you are generally an optimistic
person and easy going, or you’ve been very intentional about working on your
marriage.
4-7: You are sliding along in your marriage, perhaps not paying
much attention to it or avoiding areas of conflict. It’s also possible that you
have high expectations and are not an easy grader.
1-3: You are pretty
dissatisfied with this aspect of your marriage. Check out the other areas of
this website that address this topic.
Another way of assessing whether
you need to pay more attention to certain areas of your marriage is by comparing
answers with your spouse. If your ratings on any given topic differ by more than
three points, you’ll want to discuss why.
Finally, if both you and your
spouse have total scores of:
100 + Give yourself an A – but don’t get
proud or complacent.
75-99 Give yourself a B – you’re in good shape and
can pinpoint those areas you’ll want to discuss further.
50-74 Give
yourself a C – You may have much to discuss or one of you may be more
dissatisfied than the other. Check it out.
15-49 Looks like trouble. The
fact that you are visiting this website and have filled out this
self-assessment, however, is a good sign. You haven’t given up yet. you want to
make your marriage better. Now get to work on
it.
